My dad decided to join me while I watched The Bachelor Monday night. I’m embarrassed enough just watching it alone, but now my parents get to see the filth I subject myself to each week. Here are my dad’s thoughts:
“Why do people think they should go date on TV?”
“This is like that Go Daddy Commercial.”
“So they really don’t have ego problems on this show.”
“You’re not going to watch any of that Notre Dame basketball game that’s on right now, are you?”
“Drinking goat milk?!”
Random snort laugh.
“Can I check the score really quickly?”
“Are they all relatively superficial people?”
“A graphic designer! That’s like you! Graphic designer slash marketing expert slash back to school!”
“I’ve got a question. How long has this show been on? Have they stayed married?”
A kissing scene comes on and he changes it to the basketball game without asking.
“Have you ever been horseback riding?”
Actually starts twiddling his thumbs
Asks my mom if he can go listen to her practice piano.
“Are you rooting against somebody?” (Me: I hate Tierra) ”You HATE her? Why do you hate her?”
“Clare you agree with that girl! You hate Tierra too!”
“Who’s that one?”
“What does she mean she can’t breath?”
“His suit is too small.”
Starts snapping in front of my face.
Falls asleep. (I wake him up yelling DANG!)
“What’d I miss? Did they punch each other?”
(Me: It’s over dad.)
Doesn’t even open his eyes before he changes the channel.