I cannot believe I haven’t blogged in two months! I’ve been writing this baby for almost 7 years now, and I think the most time I ever took off was a week or so. I’ve felt a little paralyzed as to how to jump back into it because there is so much I want to share, but instead of trying to do it perfectly I’m just going to dive in.
If you follow me on Instagram, you know that the last two months of my life have been spent in a library. I took my first round of medical boards a little over a week ago and they kicked. my. butt. “Step One” is arguably the most important test in a medical career, as the score plays a huge part in what residency you are able to get. Once I get my score back and have time to process a bit I will definitely talk more about it, but let me tell you it was just not fun. I actually almost titled this post “exhausted and sick to my stomach” because that’s basically how I’ve consistently felt.
At the beginning, back at beginning of March, I couldn’t sleep because I was so nervous. There was SO much work ahead of me and material to learn that my brain wouldn’t shut off. I started taking benadryl so I could get some sleep, but that left me feeling awful the next day. Finally after a week or two of doing the work and feeling better about my progress, I was able to sleep naturally. I still relied on a lot of caffeine and sugar bursts to keep me going through long days of studying, though. I didn’t like that at all, but also felt like I couldn’t avoid it if I was going to keep to my schedule and get everything done. I didn’t want to lose any time!
The day before the test I was nauseated. I calmed down a bit before bed and knew I just had to get it done, excited to have it behind me. Turns out the post-test relief was fleeting and I felt anxious for days afterward. My mind constantly cycled through the questions I wasn’t sure about and I was determined that I failed. I slept SO MUCH, let my body go caffeine free for a few days, and tried to just relax and forget about it. Even now I still have moments where my heart starts to race with fear, but for the most part I’m trying to stay blissfully unaware until I get that email in a few weeks.
Now that those are over I am officially a third year medical student and start my hospital rotations tomorrow! We had orientation all last week which was helpful, but once again I found myself sick to my stomach. This will be a totally new experience – a 180 from the classroom work we are used to. We have to learn our way around the hospital and electronic medical record systems, figure out the dynamics of our teams (which will change every few weeks) and find the balance between eager and out-of-the way in the hierarchy of medicine. We will be evaluated base on our performance at the hospital, but still have to study for our shelf exams. We will undoubtably be uncomfortable as we get “pimped” and will have to get very used to being wrong most of the time.
The busyness of the year makes me nervous as to how I’ll balance everything — studying, blogging, exercise, friendships, maybe even trying to date. Our schedules aren’t our own anymore — we stay until we are told we can leave. The advice we were given is, “The best way to be successful in your third year is to never have any plans.”
That being said, I am SO excited! I know this year will be full of growth and learning. I’ll finally get to see patients and contribute to someone’s healthcare, even if in a teeny way. This is what we came for, right!?
As for the blog, I’m hoping to get back to normal posting about medicine, outfits, fitness, food, mental health and more. I’ve gotten a few requests via email or Instagram, but if there is anything in particular you’d like me to write about please leave a comment!
Oh, and I turn 30 in less than 6 months. EEK!
So happy to be back in the space with you all. Thanks for hanging out with me here!