Definitely didn’t mean to take this much time off of blogging, but life has been nuts around here! Last week was brutal. I somehow got the perfect storm of super long hours at the hospital, a big assignment due last Friday, and a nasty cold. My trip to Seattle left me so tired, then add the sinus congestion and stress of school and I was just not feeling it. I was totally down about medicine as a career. Awful attitude! Luckily I had a day off on Sunday and slept a ton, and woke up Monday with a whole new perspective. I love sleep.
I have a ton of things I want to write about, but I haven’t had the time I want to devote to the topics. I’ve been stuck in a comparison and frustration trap in a lot of areas of my life lately. School is taking up so much of my time right now (as it is supposed to this year) that I feel like I am just not doing well anywhere. My personality is one that wants to put 110% effort into every single thing I do. Problem is, I try to do too much! I love being busy and being involved in everything, and it’s hard for me to accept that I just can’t. I hate feeling like I’m half-assing the rest of my life.
School alone makes me feel inadequate. Third year is the year of not knowing the answers, asking how to do even the simplest tasks, and being frustratingly useless most of the time. We learn a lot, but are also reminded of how much we don’t know. And when I should really leave the hospital and spend the night studying, sometimes all I want to do is stare at the ceiling. I know I need to squeeze in bits of down time for my mental health, but there is a constant pressure to be doing more.
Right now I feel like I should be doing more ALL THE TIME.
My Own Health:
There is a whole other post due on this topic. Why is it that so many medical students and physicians are so unhealthy? Isn’t that a little hypocritical? Medicine a demanding field, and our job is to be there for our patients. Patients don’t just stop getting sick over night or on holidays. They don’t take a break when it’s 5pm or when you have a cold. And medicine isn’t getting any easier – it’s getting more and more incredibly complicated every day! But there is a cultural problem within medical education, too, that I really wish would change. For someone whose goals are to work in preventative medicine and help my patients with healthier lifestyle, it’s hard to not have time to eat healthy meals much less cook them, fit in a workout, or sleep enough. And I’m not even a resident yet!
End rant for now. Please share your thoughts.
Oh man, I miss teaching! But even when I taught, I hated that I didn’t have the time to totally devote myself to creative flows and better cues. Other teachers inspire me so much and every time I take a class I wish I could throw myself into it more. Yoga has enhanced my life so much, and I would be amazing to give that to someone else. Maybe at another time in my life.
I used to blog twice a day. WHAT? I often wonder how much more I could have accomplished if I worked as hard then as I do now. There are so many messages I want to share, and it’s frustrating to now have the time or brainpower to do it well. I know that’s silly – that I should just write and not require it to be perfect and edited – but ya’ll, readers can be ruthless. I’ve been through so much nastiness from readers in the past from my life choices to a freaking typo that I still get nervous. My goal to just sit down and write more often, even if I doesn’t have time to be perfectly thought out and edited.
I am so in love with this company. Way more than I first started as a consultant! I have done a lot of my own research and learned more about the company and it’s goals, and I think the transparency, research, and safety Beautycounter promotes are so important. I am eager to learn even more and share it with you, particularly from a scientific perspective. But now is not the best time for me to do that. I’ll have more hours to devote to this later, and for now I can just share bits and pieces when I’m able. (PS – follow my Facebook page for this! That’s the easiest place for me to share!)
I so need to be a better friend!. It’s the little phone calls, cards, and weekend trips that keep you feeling close when your best friends are scattered across the country. I want to be better at this. I love my crew!
I’m having to remind myself that it’s okay not to be the best. I’m in a tough season of my life and career right now. I chose this, and I am so so lucky to be able to become a physician. My blog name is truer than ever!
If we aren’t careful, instagram and social media make us feel inadequate. There is always someone doing it better, making more money, going cooler places. It takes intention to step back, breath, and remember that You. Are. Enough. Right now. Doing your best in whatever you choose to throw yourself into.
You don’t have to do what everyone else is doing. Your path is uniquely your own.
Perfect is an illusion. Comparison is the thief of joy.
You are enough.