It sucks to be in a long distance relationship.
Sure I may have a personality that is better suited to handle it (independent, busy schedule, okay with doing things alone, etc), but no one ever likes having to be apart from their significant other for long periods of time. Or if they do, that’s weird.
source
In fact my dad said to me a few months ago, “But you didn’t want to be in a distance relationship.”
Yes, Dad, that’s very true. You know me so well.
I didn’t want to at all. I had been in too many LDRs before and was sick of it. I am in my twenties, in the years when most people are settling down and creating their life, and so living far away from the person you want to establish that life with didn’t seem like the best idea.
But it’s funny how the right person can change all that. Obviously I can’t predict the future, but P is pretty amazing and I have suddenly found myself in the distance beyond all distance relationships – MILITARY.
The relationship where they say “I am going to make you live far away, and then not tell you your schedule until the day before, and then send you across the country for undetermined periods of time, and you will obey with happy smiles because you volunteered for this.”
(The military and those that serve are wonderful, heroic, admirable people by the way.)
Anyway, back to the point. It can be frustrating. You see friends progressing in “normal” relationships, doing “normal” things like going to parties and dinners and family events together, all while you are trying to figure out the next time you can PAY to see each other for TWO days.
There is a lot of negative that can be focused on, but that wouldn’t help anything. Instead, P and I have decided to focus on the positive part of it: we get to go to SUCH cool places together! It’s like lots of mini vacations, and we are going to make the most of our time together by exploring cool cities. Sure it’s good to have “real life” time together, where you just lie on the couch or run your errands, but we are also making sure to make memories together by going to museums, theme parks, cool restaurants, etc.
(SeaWorld in San Diego)
For Christmas, I got P a map.
BUT WAIT. Not just any map. (I love maps, but that’d be a kind of lame gift.)
It’s a scratch off map. You use a coin and scratch off the places you’ve been and underneath it is all colorful. You can hang it on the wall, and then as you explore the world together you create this beautiful, colorful picture.
I gave it to him to document the places we go together. If it were just his travel it’d look much different -he has gotten to go to some cool places between the Navy and being abroad for a year. But ours isn’t so bad either! Dublin, San Diego, LA, all over Texas, and a road trip up to Missouri. We’ve got lots more in the works too, especially since we’ll both be moving again soon.
So that’s one way we are making the most of our distance. We are taking advantage of the fact that we get to travel and making a fun map color game of it. The more places the better.
- Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? Any other ways to make them work?
- Do you like to travel? What’s one place we MUST go!?
That’s a cute gift! I like that idea. I’ve never been in a LDR but I can imagine it would be really hard. I think as long as you know you’re with the right person it’s totally worth it. Obviously. I like what you said about making the most of your distance apart. That’s important for the relationship, keep things positive. Travel places…hmm..I’ve always wanted to go to Greece. So bad.
I was in a long distance relationship for almost 4 years (we are still together, just not long distance). When we graduated college, my boyfriend (now fiance) and I moved to our respective hometowns (2.5 hours apart). After 4 years I finally quit my job and moved to the same city to be together. Living apart for so long made it quite the adjustment to live together, but we are making it work. You’ll figure it out, and hey, distance makes the heart grow fonder!
I’m in a long distance relationship now…so stressful, but it makes that time together that much more special
Love the map! Such a great idea! I have been in a LDR for 3 1/2 years. We are only 4 hours away from each other but that still feels like a really long way! We were only in the same town for the first 2 months we met. It is challenging and not fun sometimes but totally worth it. I Just hope one day in the near future we will live in the same city!
“I am in my twenties, in the years when people are supposed to be settling down and creating their life…”
I disagree! Your twenties are a time of adventure and fun. I don’t understand why people are so hurried to get married and have babies and buy houses. But you’re doing a good thing by focusing on the fun places you get to go together! Just don’t compare yourself relationship with others and you’ll always be happy with what you have.
Good point. I will rephrase. No need to settle down so young if you don’t want to
I was in an LDR my senior year of college and I totally agree that it can be awesome to have fun mini-vacays planned. We got to do so many cool things which we probably wouldn’t have done if we were living in the same place. Especially since I lived in a house with 12 girls and had 2 girls in my actual room, I liked planning to meet him somewhere new and fun rather than having him come stay with me. You and P will make it work and get through this time of being long distance if it’s meant to be – which it seems to be
Military relationships are tough. I am an Officer in the Army and my boyfriend will also be in 18 months time, once he wraps up school. This summer I will be spending 4 months away from him, one of those where we will have ZERO communication. Not to mention whatever duty station we end up at when he commissions (praying for HAWAII!!)But it’s something him and I both signed up for. We could just break up and not have to deal with these sacrifices but when you love the person-the distance becomes manageable and it makes the time you do get to spend together that much better. Coming from the military, I know firsthand that it takes a VERY strong person to be a military significant other so kudos to you!
There will be hard times but that’s what friends & family are for
Aww thanks! Good luck!
I’m not sure why I’m commenting because you know me and my LDR with A well-enough, but I figured I’d nonetheless put in my two cents.
1. Re: your dad’s comment, my mom said the same thing about A because she knew he has broken up with past gf’s because of distance. And really when it comes down to it, it’s not about the distance that he didn’t like, or you didn’t like… it was that he didn’t like the person enough to do the distance. If the right person comes along, distance is worth it.
2. My brother and his wife did distance for 4 1/2 years and weren’t together until they were husband and wife. It’s an everyday reminder that it can work.
3. Each of you have to compromise something. A hates talking on the phone, but realizes that we have to in order for our relationship to work. I’m in graduate school and work 20+ hours a week and barely have time to myself, but make sure there are minutes allotted in the day for A and weekends in a month to visit him.
4. Maybe we don’t get to see our significant others every day, let alone every month, but if you can survive the initial years in distance then you can survive almost anything else later down the road (or at least I keep telling myself that).
5. No one is ever going to say LDR’s are awesome, but the fact is is that you have someone that loves you and you love, so maybe it’s not all that bad.
I love you
preach! LOVE your first statement.
I love that map idea! I need to get that for my boyfriend and I, he has been everywhere which makes me mad so I always tell him we are going to travel together and make new memories. Long distance relationships are hard but if both people are committed then it is worth it in the end!
Long distance is never easy! When I met my boyfriend, we lived in the same city for a year as I finished grad school at UVA and then I moved for an internship and now job! We were apart for a year but he has since moved up here to be with me and now we live together. So there is hope!! But just calling/skyping definitely gets old after a while…been there!
My best friend also has her significant other in the military. It’s hard to watch her life change in a second, but she’s strong just like you. Commitment to the other person is really what counts.
Long distance relationships suck. For you, at least, it’s short term. That’s such a great idea for a Christmas gift and I love that you’re looking at the positives. I have a friend who just left for the navy and is going to be gone for 10 months, and although we haven’t talked in many years, we’re reconnecting now. Why? Because being away in a strange place is hard. I couldn’t imagine being in an actual relationship with someone that’s overseas serving the country- it has to be absolutely terrifying and you are so strong for sticking with it.
I know exactly what you’re going through since my boyfriend is currently in the Navy. Although I think I am similar to you in the personality better suited for it, it still sucks. Right now he lives about an hour & 1/2 away but he just got stationed in San Diego. It’s tough, but I’m glad you guys are making it work!
You will looveeee San Diego! I wish p could be stationed there. Good luck!
That’s a great way to look at the positives in your LDR (I could never do military–it’s the planner in me–kudos). Mine is kind of the opposite. I started dating a guy I met in DC where I live, and he decided to head to law school in Boston a year later. We all know how expensive law school is so he and I def aren’t able to plan fun vacations but the positive is I always have my next trip to Boston planned (or visiting him at his parents’ home or beach house–wherever is free
. It’s actually not as bad as I thought and allows me to focus on the other relationships in my life which is an awesome plus.
Yes, there are ups! i’ll be busy in school and he has to focus so that’s a good part.
I got that exact same map for Kevin a few years ago – how funny! Great idea
. LDRs suck, but you’re handling it great! You’ll make it work!
haha no way! great minds:) hope you’re doing well!!
Girl,
I can totally relate. I’ve been in a LDR for 6 years, he’s in medical school doing a Phd/MD program. Many of my friends have met, married and had babies while we’re still dating. It is frustrating! The light at the end of the tunnel is getting closer though. Glad to see you are making the most of it and staying positive.
yeah it’s gonna be tough for a while, but hopefully worth it!
I married my LDR! The time apart really makes you appreciate the time you do have together. You two seem like such a wonderful couple. Hang in there and good things will happen.
Aww thanks!!:)
Long distance relationships are so hard. My husband and I moved to Australia a few months ago, and now the concept of “long distance relationship” is associated with my family and girlfriends who I obviously NEVER get to see anymore. It’s so hard and sad sometimes!
Just always remember you’re doing what you’re doing for a reason. I’ve realized that it’s almost impossible at this stage in life to “have it all”, so we give up a little of something in order to gain in another…eventually it’ll all fall into place!
Where did you move to in oz? I’ve just moved home to oz from Cali
Oh the joys of military relationships. They definitely a never ending battle of when you have time together, when they leave next, where the next station is.. blah blah. I met Trevor when he was actually stationed in Japan and he would come visit me about every 9 weeks or so. Long distance relationship doesn’t even begin to cover it.. especially with the time difference!
But we did all kinds of things so that the phone wouldn’t get boring. We would get on skype and play battleship. Book tickets to shows to look forward to and look up restaurants together to pick the best places to go on his next visit. I made lists of weird and random questions to ask, so that i wouldn’t forget.
It’s work, sometimes it’s maddening but you love who you love.
We’ll celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary in September
Awww that’s so great! I’ll have to suggest we start doing some of those things.
I give you tons of credit, long distance relationships are the reason why my relationships break up! If one of us moves, it’s over… LOL! I am proud that you can make it work… AND YOU SHOULD because you two are seriously ADORABLE together
Thanks gigi!!
Well this post sits well with me right now.
You can’t choose who you fall in love with! I fell hard for a guy I went to highschool with…3 months before he went to Penn State for college. So I was three hours away that year. The next three years, I went to a different college 2 hours away, but was constantly traveling since I did cross country and track. He graduated college and took a job in DC when I finally moved back to our home town (Pittsburgh) to do my student teaching. We got engaged, he took a new job, and FINAllY after five years long distance (though not any further than 4.5 hours apart) were living in the same city. We have been married three years in June and I still thank God every day for being able to wake up next to him. It has made marriage that much more special for us. It was definitely lonely at times when we were long distance, but it is a great ‘test’ to see how committed you are to each other. I think it also helped me mature and develop my own independence during those lonely years! I will certainly be rooting for you two!
I love hearing these stories!!! So glad you guys are together now!
AWww that map is sooo freaking adorable!! I love it!!! My now fiance and I actually started off our relationship long distance as well. We only lived a 3 hour drive apart, but that’s still quite a ways. At the beginning it was fine. I had recently gotten out of another relationship and didn’t want to rush into anything. However, about 8 months in, I said enough and packed up my things and moved closer to him! I guess you can say the rest is history..
Oh- and also my fiance works in Law Enforcement, so that also means we work opposite schedules, and VERY RARELY spend holidays together- the things you do for love right?
It’s so encouraging to hear all these stories of it working out!!:)
I loved this post! I’ve been in a LDR for almost 7 years, definitely not something I ever expected. Both of us met in college, went to different grad schools, and then got jobs in different towns. It’s been easier the last couple years because we live 1.5 hours apart and can see each other every weekend, but we had years of being much further apart. Our 2013 goal is to find jobs in the same town.
Also, we love to travel! I travel a lot for work and fun and my boyfriend joins me when he can. We have always gone on lots of mini-trips and have started taking big trips in the last couple years. Last year we drove up the California coast from San Diego to San Francisco and then went to Yosemite. This year we’re going to Prague, Vienna/Salzberg, Budapest, and Helsinki!! We actually have a map where we put pins, one color for the places I’ve been, another color for the places he’s been, and another color for the places both of us have been. I really want that scratch off map though, it looks like so much fun!!
I really think the key to a successful LDR is to communicate, not just talking on the phone, but actually communicating about your life, how you’re feeling, random topics, etc. This is probably the most important factor for not-LDR relationships too, but in an LDR it’s very obvious when a couple stops communicating.
My fiance is in the military, and we recently went through a year long deployment. He is home now, but that year was TOUGH. I totally understand where you are coming from, that it’s frustrating sometimes to see other couples doing “couple-y” things. I may or may not have had the urge to throw my shoe at happy couples while my man was away
I did manage to refrain haha. But your outlook is exactly right–it’s so important to focus on the time you do have together and make the most of it. I knew when we started dating that a deployment was in the near future, but like some other commenters have said, if it’s the right person, the distance is worth it <3
By the way, where did you find that calendar? It sounds like a great gift idea!
My marriage has been a LDR for 4 years. We were “bi-hemisphere” between Australia and America. We both just threw ourselves into work…..
I loved this post. And you KNOW I can relate to it on so many levels. My BF is in Hawaii for 4yrs, and we’re not sure what’s going to happen afterwards –jobs, etc. I’m trying to live in the moment and make the most of it all. Long distance relationships are soo stressful and when the person you love is across the continent, it’s so $$$ to be with them. So glad that I’m not the only one dealing with this type of thing! xoxox. But like you said, when you know you’ve found the right person it’s so worth it.
I love that map! That would make a great first anniversary gift for my husband! Where did you get it?
Nevermind, I see the link now
good!:)
Long distance relationships are challenging! And no one can understand the choices you must make until you have experienced it for yourself!
I’m in a St. Louis–San Diego long distance relationship booooo!
It’s only been a week that he moved away so we’re still figuring out even how to talk with a 2 hour time difference & busy work schedules.
That is awesome, where did you find a scratch off map? I am in a LDR and would love to get one!
That map is super cute and a great way to be “together” despite the distance! My now husband and I were in a long-distance relationship all throughout school and it was never fun, nor easy… What made it totally worth it was knowing that one day we’d be together for the rest of our lives and I couldn’t have imagined doing that with anyone but him
My two relationships have both been LDR. With my current boyfriend (his name is Peter too
), we went to elementary and middle school together then lost touch for 10 years. We then reconnected, immediately hit it off, and started dating just 3 days before he moved to China!! It was a blessing in disguise since I had just broken up with my previous boyfriend and needed to figure out myself. After way 20 months of too much Skype and two visits to China, I finally bit the bullet and moved across the world to be with him! Of course, just two months later we found out we are moving to Malaysia! For now I am home in the states while he gets settled there. As long as there is a light at the end of the tunnel, LDRs are totally worth it. I have travelled to the most amazing places and have the opportunity to live abroad while starting a career I am passionate about. Finding the love of my life has changed my life! Best of luck to you both 
Clare, this is great! LDRs are so difficult. Glad you’re looking at the positive in yours!!!
LDRs are SO hard. My boyfriend has been living overseas for the past year and doesn’t move back home until sometime in May. The 12/13 hour time difference and the distance takes its toll, but I’m hoping there is a positive outcome (i.e. an engagement in the near future!) Keep your head up, if its meant to be, it will work out.
-AJ
FitTravelerAJ.blogspot.com
Here is another LDR “success” story for you. My husband and I met at an internship in a city 8 hours from each of our colleges. Our colleges were ~8 hrs from each other, so it was like a little triangle with 8 hours between any 2 points! We went all the way through 3 years of college in an LDR, spending every summer together. I even spent a semester abroad as we agreed not to let our relationship hold us from things we really wanted – we didn’t see each other for 4.5 months, then he joined me and we spent 2 weeks travling in Asia together.
He moved to California about 5 months before I did, while i was still far away. I joined him here (living seperately) and we had a same-city relationship for about a year before we got engaged, then were married a year later!
The less successful part is that we actually have entered another period of partial long distance for the next 6 months. I’m in SoCal and he spends ~75% of his time in NorCal. But it is a little easier knowing it is very temporary. The hardest part is the not knowingn for certain when it will end.
Being in a relationship long distance is TOUGH. Being in a long distance relationship with someone in the military is even tougher. My fiancee and I were long distance for 2.5 years as he completed training, deployed, returned and then I finally moved. I didn’t want to move with him 6 months before a deployment and leave my friends and family, but it was tough. Now that we finally live together, it is AMAZING. It is well worth the wait my dear. Good luck and know us military spouses/fiancees/girlfriends are a different breed. The toughest of the tough.
Thanks koko !!
Long distance relationship can breakup easily. But when you understand the strategies, you won’t need to worry again.
Hmm is anyone else encountering problems with the pictures on this blog loading?
I’m trying to find out if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog.
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.