I’m struggling right now.
I’ve been writing this post for a few weeks, but kept editing and waiting as I tried to figure things out in my head. I don’t want anyone to think that I claimed innocence or ignored some of the comments to be rude, but rather I was working through some issues and deciding on the best way to address them. Getting questions and accusations during that process is disconcerting, but I hope that this post will clarify a bit of what many people have been curious about.
I recognize that much of the issue people take with my posts is my fault. I don’t always share everything, plus I know I have new readers that don’t know my full history. I take responsibility for anything that has come across as triggering, harmful, or simply in contrast to the healthy lifestyle I strive to promote.
***
Currently, I’m struggling with emotional eating.
“Emotional eating is eating for reasons other than hunger,” says Jane Jakubczak, a registered dietitian at the University of Maryland. “Instead of the physical symptom of hunger initiating the eating, an emotion triggers the eating.
If you’re eating to satisfy an emotional need, you’re more likely to keep eating. When you’re eating because you’re hungry, you’re more likely to stop when you’re full. Emotional eating can leave behind feelings of guilt; eating when you are physically hungry does not.” (source)
It’s hard for me to come to terms with this. I had been doing so well and thought that eating issues were in my past, so it’s tough to admit that a new wave has resurfaced. I’ve thought that maybe it was just a bit of a phase that would go away, but this time it seems like something I really need to work on.
My food and eating history is complex. A stressful breakup in high school spurred a control-based battle with Anorexia, then my attempts at recovery led to overeating and occasionally binge eating. When I finally took charge of my health and got my act together, I felt great. I focused on real foods, training for a race, and building back my confidence.
Things were golden when this blog was created. I was living at home with very few expenses, working a job with reasonable hours, training for a marathon, and getting plenty of sleep.I didn’t overanalyze my meals, but definitely focused on eating really well. I’d also admit to being more rigid and less social at that period than I am now, which made it much easier to stick to health and fitness goals.
Unfortunately, glorious low-stress periods are often short lived. I moved to Dallas about a year and a half ago and it was the start of a lot of changes in my life. Another breakup, living on my own in a new city, working a job that I was not happy in, and in general having a lot more on my plate. It’s not much for some people, but it was stressful for me. Some of the good habits that I had been maintaining were falling through the cracks.
My recent struggles with emotional eating started at the end of the summer with what I’m seeing as my quarter-life crisis. Deciding to quit my job and make a total career change was really tough on me emotionally. I had feelings of shame, guilt, fear, and excitement all at once, and it took a toll on my health. I’ve felt much happier since making the decision, but moving home, knowing my future is still up in the air, and being unemployed is not easy for me.
My family has a history of addiction, which has manifested itself with both alcohol and food in my relatives. I never really thought I was part of that, but I am learning that certain life events and circumstances are triggering a little bit of it in me. Luckily I have pushed away the under eating tendencies – my eating disorder was such a bad time in my life that I can’t even fathom heading back in that direction – but now I go towards overeating which isn’t good either.
It’s likely not very noticeable, but I have gained weight since summer. I don’t know how much because I haven’t weighed myself, but based on how I look and the way my clothes fit I’d estimate it’s about 10 pounds. Nothing major, and certainly nothing unhealthy (I think I look fine!), but it’s a physical reminder that my eating habits haven’t been wonderful. My normal choices of vegetables and proteins have been followed with sweets and snacks far past the point of fullness. I’m not treating my body well, and it’s hard for someone that is so involved in health and fitness to admit that.
It’s also important to remember that my life hasn’t just stalled because I’m not eating the best. I’m still a happy person! I still get work done each day, volunteer, work to find my passions, exercise (hello 22:18 5k PR!), travel, build a relationship with my boyfriend, and hang out with my friends. Food is only ONE part of my life, and while it’s unfortunately not the easiest part right now, life goes on. There are tons of amazing, wonderful things happening for me and I am focusing on my blessings.
I recognize that my history makes me more conscious on a daily basis of what I put into my body. Sometimes I wish it weren’t that way, but I can’t change my past. The plan is to actively work on my relationship with food. It may include experimenting with different foods, different meal sizes, etc. I’m just going to figure out what makes me happy and what allows me to feel good about myself each day, and I hope you guys can bare with me! I know it won’t always be perfect, but I’m going to do my best.
I want to add, because I know I’ll get comments, that I don’t think that this little speed bump at all affects my ability to work in the health field. I chose to educate myself on nutrition for my own benefit, and as a result I’ve been able to help others. My previous (and current) struggles and willingness to be open about them have connected me to girls that appreciate that type of support. I am not an expert or a professional, but my personal experiences have taught me a lot about how to manage different health issues, even if I don’t always take my own advice.
The career change I am moving towards is not nutrition, and I promise I’ll tell you more about it in a few weeks!
It’s scary to post this, but good to get it out and hopefully helps you all understand a little bit more about what I’m going through. I’d like to remind everyone that all people and all bloggers have their own struggles, many of which feel embarrassing and aren’t shared. Everyone has the right to fat days, getting a little off track, and wanting to clean up their diet regardless of their past or present weight. It’s impossible, especially through the internet, to ever know fully what someone is experiencing, and the best thing we can do as friends is be open and supportive.
Thank you for posting this! You are so courageous to do so. I’ve been struggling with something VERY similar (and our stories are also quite similar, I’m now realizing) and I posted my first vlog about it.
When I posted that vlog I got a really mean, horrible comment on youtube in response. I deleted it because it was downright cruel, not at all attempting to be constructive. I say this because people can be terribly mean, but there are far more people out there who love and support you.
Props again for posting this!
Thank you! And you have the right to delete ANYTHING you want, especially if it’s really mean. Hope you’re doing well!!
I feel for you! 2 years ago I was 50 pounds heavier than I am now and I’m only 5’3. I’m a total stress, bored, emotional eater who is trying to get super fit and lean out with the hopes of doing a competition of some sort soon. Keep your head up high and try to stick to foods that won’t cause guilt.
You are so strong for posting this Clare and I just love the honesty! I think it’s totally normal when we go through big changes in our lives that our eating may be a bit off. I always say when we struggle with our eating it is a signal that something is out of balance in our lives. Props to you for realizing and owning up to a change in your habits! I’m sure many people will benefit from this post!
Thanks Danielle!
You are amazing my love! I’m so proud of you for opening yourself up in such an authentic and honest approach. Your readers (at least the ones that actually matter) will support you know matter what. We ALL deal with ghosts in our closets and I guarantee every single person reading this is going through some emotional struggle this very moment.Just because it’s not eating, doesn’t make it any less significant. You are a shining example of beauty, inside and out, and I love you more than you know!
<3<3<3 I LOVE You!
This makes you a lot easier to relate to. Nobody is perfect. I feel like you were hiding it from everyone but it’s nothing to be ashamed of, everyone has an issue I think many people have emotional eating.
Sorry to not have shared sooner!
Thanks so much for such an honest post! I think by posting this you’re helping more people than you know. You will probably feel better too, just getting everything out.
You’re so right – EVERYONE is dealing with something, and it’s so difficult to handle when we (bloggers) put our “lives” out there for anyone to read about. But in actuality what people see of our lives is a mere fraction of the whole picture, you know? I get where you’re coming from and I’m proud of you for posting this! Hoping you feel better soon!
Amen sister….very well put!
It’s very brave of you to post this! I love reading all these healthy living blogs (like yours of course!) and sometimes find myself judging decisions that bloggers make. However when I do, I take a step back and realize, honestly, who am I to judge? I don’t know you personally, so I can’t know what’s really going on.
And it takes so much courage for you to post your life everyday. We’re all human and certainly not perfect, so when you blog daily, imperfections will be shown to the world. My friends and I who read a lot of these blogs were saying how we don’t think we have thick enough skin to ever start a blog. It makes me so sad to see some of the hurtful comments that get posted on your blog, that it has scared me away from starting my own blog in fear of receiving similar comments that would worsen my anxiety issues. We all have our struggles and I applaud you for being so open and honest about them, despite some of the rude comments you receive, and handling it all with such class. Thinking about you during this current struggle you’re having and just know that you’re not alone–we all have struggles!
Beautiful post! Nobody is perfect and people seem to forget that on the internet. I deeply admire your courageousness and determination to be happy, even if it means completely flipping your life around! I’ve always liked your blog, but lately I’ve LOVED it. Your honesty is refreshing and I relate to you changing your life path right now (as I imagine a lot of other people can). You stay true to you and that is freaking awesome. PS: emotional eater as well, right here.
Thank you Erin!!! Such a sweet comment:)
We all have these battles, so don’t ever think you are ALONE! I’ve made a couple vlogs recently talking about practicing more self-love because you can’t add value to your life or even to the lives of others if you don’t know how to make yourself happy! Glad to see you’re taking some steps in the right direction. It will get easier, just never compromise what you want or who you stand for and remind yourself that all the struggles in between are just a process called life. It’s a natural cycle that we all must learn to cope with and even appreciate. It makes the good times that much more golden
Thank you!! Love the sound of those vlogs..will have to check them out!
Claire, thank you SO MUCH for posting this. I’m in the exact same situation right now. From the outside, it looks like I’m not eating a lot. I’m not. I don’t eat enough real food and then I end up eating a ton of junk food later in the day or when I’m by myself. I have a very addictive personality like you, and once I get into the habit of this emotional eating (or bingeing, I guess some people might call it), I can’t stop it. I really hope you’re able to find yourself a way to get out of it, and if you do, please share it with all of us. It definitely helps to just get the words out, even if they’re tough. Not only are you helping yourself, you’re helping others. Making your life seem 100% normal when it’s not isn’t helping anyone, not even yourself. I’m so glad you brought this up and decided to post it, because it makes other people such as myself feel not so alone. Thank you thank you!
Thank you!!
Clare,
I’ve been following your blog since we were classmates at IIN, but this is my first comment. I always enjoy your posts, admiring your honesty and openness with the “good” and the “bad” on your journey. It takes a lot of courage and insight to be so vulnerable, so I really admire you for it. And I think it’s wonderful to recognize where you are, and not be so hard on yourself, as it only complicates the healing process. (As we can see with our clients!) I’ve also struggled with emotional eating, growing up with a mother who had a very unhealthy relationship with food, and although I recognized it at a young age, I still deal with it myself. It resurfaces when I’m really stressed out, just not to the degree it used to. So, thank you for your honesty. Wishing you the very best.
Thank you Stephanie! Such a sweet comment:)
Thank you for sharing this! I can totally relate to your entire post! It’s very courageous of you to post and I appreciate it! Unfortunately I think emotionally eating is a way I was raised to deal with my problems. I get dumped my mom got me a bag of Swedish fish. I definitely eat my feelings when I’m stressed but it’s something I have been working on.
I think it’s really common!!
Remember- “what others think of me is none of my business”. Easier said than done, but don’t worry about what others think. Remember that you don’t have to have everything all worked out and perfect in order to help people. If we aren’t aware of our “stuff”, that can be potentially harmful, but you’re aware and actively working on it. That’s one of the biggest things I learned my first few years of my master’s program in mental health. And remember, when you do eat too much, don’t beat yourself up. Guilt tends to push us more and more into our unhealthy habits. Your openness will definitely help others. Don’t let the mean comments get you down!
* and by “first few years” I meant first few weeks. Oops.
Omg I had this EXACT conversation with my BFF this morning! We’ve both been struggling with worrying too much about what others think of us and letting a rude comment or weird look ruin our days. We know how it’s not worth it to dwell on it, yet we still do. It really is easier said than done! But I 100% agree that being aware of the problem is the first step to helping us work on it…and it’s a pretty big one.
thank you!!
I think you are very brave to write and post something like this! Everybody struggles and sometimes it’s nice to know that there are others in the same situation. You are very inspiring in your healthy living and life in general. Your post about making the choice to quit your job and make a career change actually inspired me to see that I’m ready to change. So, that very same day I looked into school and I’m now enrolled in the program to finish my Business degree at the local University. I start on Monday!
Just wanted to say thanks for the inspiration and motivation!
I am currently going through the same exact thing. I am trying to get past the binge part. I am fine during the day but i will sleep walk at night and eat when i do it and i have absolutley no control because i am sleep walking. However i am going to the doctor soon to get a prescription for lunesta to help with my sleep problems and hopefully that will be the end of it. I have put on more weight. When i was 15 i weighed 330 lbs i lost 200 lbs within 2 years but in the past 6 months i have put on 30lbs and am now at l60 and i hate it. I just recently stabilized my weight and now its staying about the same due to dieting during the day because of the night eating thing
Good luck!! Sounds like seeing the doctor will help a lot.
Thank you clare
It is really hard to admit as a male that I did suffer from ED for about a year before i set myself straight and looked at some pictures of myself and I was scary looking but I honestly do no want to go back to my former ed or the point where I was obese.
Life happens, and it is amazing that you can be so brave to admit your struggles to the world. Keep up the positive attitude and I wish you all the best
Thanks Amanda!
I agree with what someone above said. This makes you so much easier to relate to. I already enjoy your blog and read daily, but you explain your situation very well. Life isn’t easy, but you’re very smart and you will figure it out! It’s a process
Thank you!
Clare, I had no idea you were struggling so much in this part of your life. I think you look beautiful at the weight your at, and I’m sure others don’t notice at all. Emotional eating is definitely a tough one, have you thought of seeing a therapist? I still struggle with disordered eating and I see a therapist weekly even though I don’t feel like I “need” to see one, but it has helped a significant amount! Especially as I also come from a family with addictions to alcohol/disordered eating. I’m incredibly grateful you shared this part of your life with us and it’s definitely not an easy thing to do, but I’m sure SO many of us can relate to this in some way! It takes a lot of courage (not just with others but yourself) to post these honest feelings so that’s a great step! I wish you all the best in overcoming this, I know you’re strong enough to do it, you’ve done it before! Keep up a positive attitude:)
I think the fact that others don’t notice at all makes this even more painful. If somebody is having eating issues that are very physically apparent (at either end of the spectrum), the pain is visible and people reach out to offer support. But when it’s invisible, when the sufferer is at a “healthy” weight, nobody is concerned, no matter how emotionally unhealthy the eating habits are. I’ve been at a “healthy” weight my whole life, save 3-4 months in college when I just barely sat in “overweight” territory, but have struggled for over two decades.
Wow, that sounds like such a waste when I add up all the time.
Anyway – Clare, good for you for reaching out by reading this. I think you’ll see a lot of support, I hope you can use it to get help so that you don’t waste your life like I have.
Very good point – sometimes it’s hard when people assume that nothing could be wrong!! Thank you!
Hey! I was seeing a therapist back in Texas briefly and need to find another one here! I, like you, and 100% in favor of ALWAYS seeing a therapist even if nothing is really wrong!
Great post! And, you do not owe it to anyone to explain yourself. You open up enough and people who say differently need to quite honestly SHUT UP. You are beautiful, smart and caring don’t let jerks sway you emotions.
A LOT of people in the health industry have their own struggles, you are definitely not alone and this by no means makes you any less credible or less successful! If anything, it gives you a perspective that allows you to relate more with others. I have even more respect for you now with reading this post. I’ve always thought you handled the criticism well on here from comments, and putting something out there as sensitive as this is super ballsy (in a good way!). Glad that you were able to push past the fear and post this
Thank you!!:)
Nothing can beat speaking from your truth… awesome post Clare.
Wonderful post. I’m so glad you wrote it. I think this is such a common struggle and something a lot of people can really relate to. I, too, have addiction struggles in my very immediate family and I have a very type A, anal, slightly obsessive personality. It’s a real struggle to let go of those qualities when it involves food, but I still see a therapist monthly just to talk and it’s really help separate those issues from the food. I hope this post helps lift some of those heavy feelings off your shoulders!
Good luck in your journey to health Clare. You will overcome this struggle. I faced a very similar problem when I “overcame” anorexia.. it lasted a few years. Every once in awhile I still adapt an all or nothing attitude but I am growing every day. I’m not sure if it is something you’ve considered, but you might want to try therapy. My therapist uses EMDR with me (eye movement rapid something idk I’d google it because I’m not a pro) and it helps you remove emotions that are tied to deep rooted issues and allows you to become more rational in your thinking. It has made a world of difference for me. What has also helped is to EAT during the day. Not to restrict because of a binge the night before, but to eat tons of good quality food (treats too!) so you are full and satisfied. I wish you lots of luck.. it is obvious you are a very smart girl with a bright future. Eventually this will just be a blip on the radar.
Hey Jamie! I definitely am into therapy and was seeing somebody in Dallas before I moved. I need to get back into it now that I’m in St. Louis – I’m 100% pro therapy no matter how you’re feeling! That EMDR sounds interesting.
Definitely check it out.. it sounds kind of weird but it is INCREDIBLE for learning to be rational and not attaching emotions to issues that are better resolved with logic.
can totally relate. thanks for sharing!
Good for you girl, such an honest post. This may be drastic, but have you ever considered taking a break from blogging? Many bloggers who have struggled with eating have said that taking a step back from the constant pressure of posting what you’re eating and the stress of being judged for it by others really allowed them to focus on themselves and their own recover. Just something to consider! Rooting for you
xx
Ooohh boy have I considered it! All the time! It’s hard when it’s such a huge part of your life…I can barely imagine it. But I’m definitely reevaluating a lot of the blogs I read and posting less of what I eat to avoid the criticism.
I really feel like I can relate to this. I’m in high school and have dealt with eating issues myself. nothing too major but definitly the emotional eating /social thing. I really want to get a degree in foods and nutrition, because i do love everything to goes along with it. But i have aconstant internal fight with myself about whether I’m “healthy enough” to have such a career.
I’d say definitely take time to think about it! I know I want to be in health, but that being that close to food and nutrition for a living might not be the best for me.
Listen girl…like you I have had a diagnosed eating disorder, and as my very wise first therapist said “It doesn’t get any easier. You will always struggle with food.” It does not matter how healthy I am, how mindful I am, how much I talk about it, every once in a while (thankfully, every few years at this point) sometimes these things just happen. So appreciate your honesty, I had a similar bout this fall and just could NOT figure out what was WRONG with me. I had moved past this emotional, disordered swing attitude, right? You go, way to keep it real! Love, every girl who struggles everyday ever.
It’s so nice to hear from someone who understands! I know I’ll never be completely “free” – but hopefully to a manageable state! Any tips on what helped you?
I think you are so brave to post this! You’re right, absolutely everyone has struggles, and sometimes the best thing is simply to be honest and talk about them. That doesn’t make it easy though. I deal with anxiety related to health issues. I’m extra paranoid that something in my body is going to go wrong and I’m going to get a serious disease or cancer and die. That sounds so stupid to type out. I’m usually okay with dealing with it because I’m pretty healthy but the GI stuff I’ve been dealing with lately has been having my anxiety flare up big time. I don’t think my anxiety will ever fully go away but I really need to find ways to manage it better.
Hi Clare! I’ve been reading your blog for a while now but have never commented until today. I’ve been dealing with eating issues myself and you have really helped me overcome them and strive for more balance. I now understand that it’s okay to indulge every one in a while or take a multiple rest day. You’ve been an inspiration to me and I admire your honesty here. I know it’s never easy to admit weakness, especially to the public! I wish you all the best and thank you for being a role model to me!
That is SO nice to hear Jane!:) Glad to hear you’re doing so well!
Wow, I picked the right day to find your blog and read this post. I can completely relate except perhaps on an even deeper and more serious level. I’ve been dealing with the same plus bulimic habits for over a year now – as in binges EVERY night for a year or more. Really bad binges and all on terrible junk food. It’s gotten so bad, on my face, body and my wallet. I can now see the effects wearing on my teeth and my bite has changed drastically. I’m extremely self-conscious of my smile now (and hope to ever be able to afford to fix it – if that’s even possible); and also of my body. While I still exercise, it’s not nearly as much as before and I’ve gained a lot of weight for my frame. I’m about 12-15 lbs over. I didn’t mind it at the beginning, I still look “okay” but now it’s really bothering me. Clothes fit wrong in all the wrong places and my belly is always bloated – I’m guessing the digestive repercussions of binging make it much worse. If I could change anything, it would be to not ever have started the purging. If I just binged, I think eventually I would have gotten sick of it. Unfortunately, once you start the purges it’s extremely hard to stop…once I feel the sweets sitting in my belly, that’s it, it makes me sick. I miss my old face – it’s always puffy and I can’t smile correctly anymore. I’m devastated and know I’ll deal with these repercussions for my naivety and stupidity forever more.
Oh have I ever been there! I am still working on getting ED thoughts out of my head, but emotional eating has definitely been a big issue for me, including occasional binge-eating episodes. All these do is make me feel worse and compel me to shift toward ED tendencies. You are very brave for writing a post like this, and trust me, I improved a lot when I actually decided to open up about my issues. I wish you the best of luck and if you ever need support (you know, besides the whole HLB community!), I’m here
i have been thinking about this as i am trying to overcome emotional eating as well, and i have come up with a theory on emotional eating…..going to finish up the blog post and put it up soon…
Something that has helped me:
If you were ‘perfect’ if there were ‘nothing wrong with you’ (i.e. had the ideal body with perfect skin and teeth and millions of dollars and no problems in the world and everybody loved you) what would you do differently today that you didn’t ‘let yourself’ do?
For years, even though I ‘recovered’ from my ED in the sense that I didn’t have any remaining ‘habits’, I still treated myself like I didn’t deserve to eat this much of that, or shouldn’t eat this, or save my calories for later or not feel good about myself if I didn’t run…
Now, I am 20lbs heavier, but that is the weight my body is satisfied at. The weight where I CAN eat whatever I want, have the energy to exercise most, but not all days, and listen to and honor what my body is telling me. F*ck Paleo (I was primal for FOUR YEARS), I’ve never pooped better than after eating a grilled cheese sandwich. Sorry if that’s TMI…
Mostly, for people with RestrictiveED, I’m not sure it’s emotional eating. I think it still is a true symptom of starvation in a sense. Likely, you might have been too far underweight for awhile…
check out gwynetholwyn.com if you haven’t and read her blog. Truly great insight and support to those who never fully recovered from ED, from someone who is very advanced in her field.
You wouldn’t be reaction-eating if you could just eat when you were hungry and move on. I think deeper healing is needed…I’m not a shrink, but I’m just saying, I’ve been there ,and it has gotten MUCH BETTER once I just said ‘f-it. If I am a perfect being today, what would I do with my day? What would I eat, what joyous movement would I do, and what would I read/watch/study?’
I LOVE your comment. I will try to think of each day/moment like that now!
And good point about it maybe still being a symptom of the ED that has resurfaced later..I will look into that website!
Love love love this Camilla…. Thank you.
I’m really grateful for your post.
If we had no fights, no struggles, then we would’nt feel happiness the same way (with the dark comes the light, or something like than … English is not my native language ahah)
I know how hard it can be sometimes, but you are really doing great (career, boyfriend…) and life always comes with struggles
I’ve been reading your blog for a few years now (and it’s my favorite from far !! it helped me sooooooo much) and I believe you are an amazing woman. You keep going and growing up =)
And you can definitely work in the health field. It’ s mazing to find someone who had/have these struggles (because you can relate) and who is healthy because she admits her struggles. You dont hide it, youshould be proud of it
xoxo
And there is not such a thing as perfection !!!
I think it’s amazing that you have the courage to post an honest and personal entry like this about yourself. It’s too bad there are people out there who are judgemental and have to make their own negative comments about your life. It’s your life to live. I think you’re a great motivation to be healthy and fit. That’s an awesome time for 5km!
Thank you!
Girl your honesty and vulnerability in your blog is what keeps me coming back. I admire your courage to post your own struggles. Please know you’ve got people in this community rooting for you.
Thank you!!
I know everyone here is supporting you in this, which they should . it is hard to be open and honest but I have to say one thing. No matter what, weight gain (if it really is true weight gain) should not be an excuse to all of a sudden go back to old habits, aka eat less, avoid foods or exercise more. I think that is one thing that can happen when we hit a point of recovery where our bodies find where they need and want to be. Our bodies will find their set point, which may be at this weight for you. All I can say is, don’t fight or try to manipulate your body when you may not know this is where you have to be. Recovery is realizing that we are more than our weights, more our the food, it is about coping in positive ways with what life throws at us.
Again, props for putting it all out there, I just had to say this
Appreciate this, and yes this is absolutely NO excuse to go back to ED behavior which I do not even think I could do if I wanted to. However if I can go back to old habit that got my eating in line and made me feel good, such as when I was living at home and maintaining a stable healthy weight, I will do that. I was at a set wait with ease for about 3 years before this life change caused me to get out of whack. At that time I was a vegetarian eating balanced meals and running often. That’s not to say I’ll go back to those habits 100%, but I think it’s absolutely normal to think back to when you felt your best and had minimal issues, and try to emulate that.
Thank you! Always nice to hear different points of view that make me think.
I love your openness and honesty. I’m going through my own binge eating and emotional eating struggles too. I’m very much all or nothing when it comes to eating healthily or eating junk and over the past few days I’ve let certain things dictate my mood and the food I’ve been reaching for. Especially today, I’ve been eating when i’m not hungry and to the point of discomfort. Thanks for sharing. I can see through the comments too that I’m not alone!
So glad it was helpful to you, ger! I always love hearing from you:)
Thank you so much for posting this, Clare! I felt I could relate so well to almost everything you talked about. I have struggled with binge eating and have had weight issues my entire life. It’s comforting to know someone else deals with the same issues and puts it all out there for everyone to read about. I really loved that you pointed out that food is only one part of your life–I needed that perspective. This is so inspiring, thank you again!
Of course Brandi – getting nice comments like this makes it worth it!
Thank you for posting this! I struggle with emotional eating and I am encouraged to learn it’s not just me. My weight loss journey has been 3 years long and it’s been a challenge when people around you don’t understand. I eat when I’m bored, stressed, sad, etc. That’s not a good combination for me because I am in my final semester of grad school. Lost of stress and sadness sometimes. But like you, I am working on my relationship with food. I think you are incredibly brave to post this. I think people who are in the health/fitness field who don’t struggle are impossible for a lot of people to relate too. Knowing that you are human and struggle just like me only makes me enjoy this blog more (not that I enjoy you struggling). Thanks for sharing!
Thank you Kirsten! I hope you’re doing well!
This is a great post! I would advise not trying things with your food alone. I would work with a professional eating disorder nutritionist to make the decisions about your food until you heal from this aspect of the eating disorder. Also, even though you say you were in recovery earlier when you were rigid with “healthy” meals and training for a marathon. I encourage you to do some journaling on that time and be real honest with yourself. A person with ED tendencies can believe they are in recovery and training for a long distance run. Yet, in the world of ED it is really excessive exercising…not training. And as an ED sufferer we will feel better about ourselves when we view or exercise and food choices as “healthy”. It could be when you really began living life without masked ED behaviors (eating home the majority and excessive exercise) your anxiety had a chance to come to the surface. Emotional eating became the way you coped with your anxiety that was being controlled through ED like behaviors of eatin safe foods at home and excessive exercise known as marathon training. I’ve seen this time and time again and encourage you to reach out to those in this field!
A very good point! While I definitely still indulged and ate desserts and ran purely for the sake of finishing the marathon (I just followed a plan with my best friend!) I totally get that those behaviors are “safe” and not necessarily in line with a normal lifestyle. Thanks for your suggestion – I have some appointments booked!
Clare,
, and while I’m at a healthy weight now and exercising regularly, I’ve gotten into some poor eating habits due to emotional stress of losing my grandfather, job obligations, and just trying to figure out life in general as a hard-working 24 year old. I’m trying each day to find a good balance, but it is overwhelming to deal with sometimes. Unfortunately, I decide sometimes to turn to food to cope (even if it is healthy…it’s just too much). Plus, I’m just so afraid of ever going back to that restrictive mindset I once had. Anyway, I think it’s something we all deal with and have to accept at some point. We can only do our best each day and treat ourselves with the love and kindness that the Lord intended for us. Just want to let you know I appreciate your candidness and respect your ability to be so open and honest, whether people want to attack you or not. You’ll get through this!!! Miss talking to you!
I just want to let you know that your post is encouraging and exactly what I needed to read. You know my story…yes, I’m that Kayla
Loved this post and your honesty! I have dealt with similar struggles and I can relate. You are not alone! I think is great that you are so open with your followers as many can relate to you.
Hi Clare! This post is incredibly bold and courageous. As an ex-binge eater, I can absolutely relate to what you’re saying here. I feel like to some degree eating disorders never truly go away. I think I saw that you read Women Food and God, but I absolutely suggest all of Geneen Roth’s other books as well. She puts words to feelings around food that I could never articulate myself and gives such clear suggestions for change. I know for myself, how I feel about myself and my life always is manifested in my eating habits. Periods of stress or sadness, or even over the moon happiness stir an obsession with eating more or controlling food. I watched a great clip on a Dr Oz binge eating special once where the woman, who was an ex binge eater, said that recognizing and accepting that every single day would be a struggle and would be filled with thoughts of food helped her make peace with the addiction. She knows food will always be a challenge for her and that in and of itself help keeps her strong with emotional eating. So I think that trying to put it in the past is almost too difficult. It’s a part of us that we can control, but it will always be a compulsion and something we think about. Sorry this post was all over the place, but I just want to be sure you know you aren’t alone
we’re in it together
Julie – Thanks for the great comment! I love Geneen Roth and should reread her books. So helpful.
Clare, you’re awesome. It’s that simple. I love how frank you are and that you don’t have everything figured out and lined up in your future, and that you sometimes struggle with emotional eating even though you are a self proclaimed health enthusiast. i can totally relate to that and i think it’s really great and brave of you to share so much of yourself with the internet. it’s sad to me that people hate on your choices or criticize you so harshly, but i hope you know there are lots of people like me who respect you a lot, wish the best for you, and see a bright future. i’ll always read your blog best wishes xoxo
Personally, I think you need to know you are stronger than you think.
Secondly, I think you need to take a break from blogging. And get well.
I wish you the best. I am a very long time reader but only recent commenter.
I love you Clare! This is just merely a season in your life and the Lord will bring you through it! You will come out of this stronger and more in tune with your body/emotions. Trust me, I’ve been there (you know this already). I am so proud of you. Focus on loving yourself for who you are TODAY and remember that there are people out there praying for you! xoxox
Thank you Shelby!! Glad to hear you’re doing so well!
OMG I relate to literally everything you say so much! it’s like reading my thoughts at the times! I can’t wait to explore the rest of your blog!!