A few nights ago I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. I was reminded recently that my big break up with my ex was almost exactly a year ago. To be honest, I don’t even know what the date of the break up was. I know it was a Tuesday and I know it was the end of March, so I guess it’s easy enough to figure out.
A friend of mine is struggling with a break up right now, too. She’s hurting and wishes it didn’t have to be this way. She alternates between feeling free and relieved, and then feeling like a sad, lonely mess. Pretty much exactly how I felt.
The break up a year ago I call the “big” one because it was the one that hurt the most. It was the first time I had really seen my life with the other person. I had moved states for him, built my life around his, and saw us together in the future. I so badly wanted it to happen, and when it didn’t I was crushed.
It took me weeks to finally stop crying spontaneously, months to really feel like I could move on, and still now a year later it feels fresher than it should. I’m definitely over it – I’ve dated other people and can confidently say that I’m grateful and glad I got out of the relationship – but it can still sting sometimes.
I was empathizing with my friend and trying to tell her some of the things that helped me move on. Sometimes, as unfortunate as it is, you have to remind yourself of all the bad things in the relationship. You have to try to keep the stuff that bugged you at the front of your mind so you don’t get lost wallowing in the good. But most of all you have to realize that just because he was a good person and you two were happy, it doesn’t mean it was right.
It’s okay to not be the right girl for someone.
It’s okay for a guy to not be right for you. It doesn’t mean you are bad or they are bad, it just means it wasn’t the right fit. I repeat: it means nothing bad about you! There is nothing wrong with you! When you find the right person you will be accepted and loved as your complete and true self.
Maybe the breakup was God saving you from heartache in the future, or telling you you deserve better. Maybe it was a wake up call that you were lost in the “love” and weren’t actually getting what you need. Maybe you have some amazing things in your future that the relationship was holding you back from, and you didn’t even know it. It was definitely these things for me.
I think often the hardest part is worrying you’ll never find somebody “as good” as your ex.
What a lie! I’ve thought that basically every time I’ve gone through a break up, which as a 28-year-old serial dater is quite a lot, and every single time I’ve found someone new. I obviously haven’t found the right person for me yet, but I found guys that were exciting and caring and had qualities I wanted.
I find solace knowing that one day I will find a person that makes everyone in my past disappear. The life timeline I had planned in my head is already screwed, so I’m not in any rush. Every person I date teaches me about what I want and need, and leads me closer to finding perfect love. It’ll all work out. I guess I’m a romantic.
You deserve amazing. We all do. You might not be the right person for the guy you think you want right now, but you will be the right person that the guy you’re meant to be with.