I never got a chance to really settle in at home during Christmas, so I was a little excited to get home from San Diego and finally unpack. Then I remembered I leave again on Friday for Miami (!!!!) and things got a little rushed. Yesterday was about my to-do list!
I slept until 10:30am after 10 hours of sleep, which was much needed after less than four hours the night before. I tried out two of the products sent to me for breakfast – Celestial Seasonings Tea and Love Grown Hot Oats! The tea definitely had the caffeine to replace coffee, and I LOVED the apple cinnamon oats.
The next couple of hours were paper work, emails, and laundry. Tons of things I’d put on the back burner over the holidays that needed to get done. I also had a snack of vanilla Oikos with banana around 1:30pm.
Around 3 I headed to the gym. I wanted to run and do a kettlebell workout, but my gym doesn’t have kettlebells! BOOO! I didn’t have a ton of energy (weird since I slept so much!) so I took my run nice and easy at kept a 6.5mph pace for an hour.
Afterward I stretched, did some core, and a few of the weights machines before heading out.
On the way home I stopped at Nordstrom to get my new watch sized. I wanted this for Christmas and mom and dad santa came through!! Now it fits my baby wrists.
Both of my parents work late on Wednesdays, so requested that I be in charge of dinner. I’ll probably end up making dinner more than just Wednesday, but it really helps my mom to not be stressed out about cooking when she gets home at 7:30pm.
Since we are leaving again, I used food from the fridge and made a version of Paleo Chicken Lo Mein. I used chicken breasts we already had cooked, plus broccoli, cauliflower, red onion, and carrot. It was not Paleo as I made some whole wheat couscous to go with it, and the meal was rounded out with a simple salad.
After dinner I made a cup of Sleepy Time Tea (no after dinner snacking success!!) and went to put away all my clothes. I hadn’t unpacked from moving home! Things are put away, but not at all organized. I see a MAJOR closet clean out coming.
Events of the night included my neighbor coming over selling things to raise money for his “Notre Dame Ticket Fund.” Hilarious. He will seriously sell ANYTHING and despite my family having our own fund to try and buy game tickets down there, my parents were happy to help! Mostly just because it’s so funny.
My mom and I painted our nails for the game. She got all into it with different greens and golds and little shamrocks. I went with a lime green topped with gold sparkles. GO IRISH!
Then talking to P and bed!
I just got a nice 8 hours (I swear I sleep like a rock here. Totally making up for lost time), had another Hot Oats and Tea, and am going to go to spin class in a few minutes.
Another busy day and RE-packing for tomorrow!
- Are you back at work/school and in a regular routine again?
- Any fun trips over the holidays?
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Glad you guys are loving the giveaways! Still time to enter to win a month’s worth of Celestial Seasonings Tea AND Oakley Sunglasses!
Sounds like it’s a little crazy over there right now. I like the green nails, cute and bright. I still am stuck in holiday zone, since things don’t return back to normal until Monday for me.
I have to say that despite being three years out of treatment for anorexia, I was very triggered by this post. I haven’t read for awhile because I started getting a weird vibe from your posts months ago, but randomly checked today and fell upon this one.
Running 6.5 miles + doing some weights without a proper lunch or post-workout meal is something I would have done in the throes of my ED- and while you might now correct yourself and say that you ate something in that time period, the initial omission speaks volumes.
Think of what you’re putting out there for young girls to emulate. I’m 21 and a college senior and it gives me the feeling that I shouldn’t have a snack until dinner. And I will because I know that I am stronger than that, but I’m sure there are plenty of young girls out there who look at you as a “health coach” and will use that trigger as an excuse for their restrictive behavior.
Please think about it. I’m serious. Your exercise and eating habits are not my decision or concern- it’s the girls who, like me, are undoubtedly triggered by this.
Thanks for your concern. Yesterday was a different day for me, as I woke up late and didn’t have breakfast until almost noon. That threw off my eating and is why I didn’t have the standard three meals. I was also coming off almost two weeks of overindulgence during my holiday travel.
I write this blog true to my life. Sometimes I eat more, sometimes I eat less. I know that I maintain a healthy weight and give my body the nourishment it needs. I am in no way suggesting that others try to copy my life, especially on a day-to-day basis.
I did have an eating disorder and was in recovery years ago, but my daily posts no longer reflects that period of my life. I am comfortable going with the flow and trusting the ebbs and flows of my body and hunger, while others may not be there yet. I suggest that if you are still struggling, you not read blogs of others that aren’t in the same situation as you.
Thanks again for the polite comment.
Clare, you said in a previous post that you’re not snacking after dinner now unless it’s “planned.” How is that going with the “ebbs and flows” that you mentioned above? There is so much widespread misconception about how eating at night will make one ‘fat’ (it drives me nuts!) but Clare, at the rate you are working out, you are FAR away from that being an issue. I’m pretty sure I’ll get a response to this saying that “you’re not worried about getting fat” but I can assure you that since that is the first thing that came to my mind, it’s the first that will come to others’, too. Perhaps you should consider not posting what you eat, or when or how, in as much detail? It consistently opens up a can of worms and leaves many readers questioning your motives and intentions. And I would just “find another blog” (as you suggested to ANOTHER reader) but I really (usually) like reading yours!
“I suggest that if you are still struggling, you not read blogs of others that aren’t in the same situation as you.”
But you do offer a form of “recovery” counseling, right? And your blog is linked to it? Wouldn’t you like your clients to be able to look at your blog as a source of positive inspiration, not a trigger?
Honestly, in general I would say that I exercise less and eat more than you chronicle on your blog, and we have a similar stature, so if I am still struggling (I don’t claim to be 100% recovered from negative thoughts, but I maintain a BMI of 22), then perhaps you should think about whether you are really qualified to give recovery assistance.
The role and responsibility of bloggers is a interesting and ongoing discussion
My aim is to provide an accurate depiction of my life and attempts and a healthy and balanced lifestyle. I will be the first to admit I’m not perfect.
That being said, I coach both girls with eating disorders and girls that struggle with emotional eating and eating intuitively. I would be doing a disservice to them if I claimed to eat a certain way, eat when I’m not hungry, etc. I hope (and have been told by clients) that I can provide a picture of a normal life – one that isn’t always perfect but makes an attempt.
Glad you found a gym to go to and are finally getting settled! I’m trying to get in all the gym time I can before I have to have It band surgery on the 17th. The surgery is sort of throwing my whole routine off since I’m trying to get my house in order and pick up some extra shifts since I won’t be able to work for 6-8 weeks after.
Woah lady, your life is on overdrive right now. I was just thinking how I need to call you, but I’ll give it a few days!
Phone date next week?
I really hope you don’t take offense to this, because I think you are generally a really nice blogger. But I’m worried about you, and I don’t even know you. You look incredible. You don’t need to be eating so little and working out so crazy. I know you have a lot of change going on right now and may be coping with exercise and dieting (I’ve been there and still have ED tendencies even though I’m recovered). Please consider getting some help before you let it get bad. You have such a bright future ahead with school and a great bf. As the poster above said, since you mentor those with EDs through NEDA and Health Coaching, they will find this triggering. Even though you may say that they shouldn’t read then, it extremely hard for those with EDs or recovering from EDs to turn away. Be kind to yourself and take it easy. Best wishes.
I don’t have and haven’t had an eating disorder, so feel free to take this with a grain of salt. But I think that the issue others have with your blog isn’t that you sometimes eat too little. It’s that you eat too little, treat it like the norm, and then when the “ebb and flow” evens out and you’re extra hungry you complain about snacking too much and resolve to eat less. It seems like you’re stuck in a really tiring cycle to me.
Hey – thanks, I actually totally get that. I definitely don’t like the periods when I’m super snacky (it’s strange to be so extra hungry) but I do know that it’s natural so I definitely shouldn’t complain about it. Thanks for opening my eyes to that!
Clare
Clare! I’m a huge fan and have been following your blog for yonks, so please don’t take this the wrong way. But how is it ‘healthy’ to have burned 800 calories at the gym, and then only had a lunch of fat free plain yogurt and a few veggeis? I feel like a total pig for eating an avocado turkey wrap (which I thought was healthy) for lunch, and not working out today :-S
I rarley comment, but have some experience with this, and I think you are getting overly hungry some days and binge because on other days, you’re eating too little. it is a very vicious cycle, and it is better to keep your metabolism and blood sugar on an even keel–even when you don’t feel hungry, on those days you should still make sure you are having healthy snacks. sometimes i am not hungry in the moment, but force myself to eat a few almonds or greek yogurt becasue if not, my hunger gets out of control a few hours later and then it’s “too late” and I end up snacking way too much. I feel you’re constantly in a restriction/over eating cycle—try to balance it out, and eat regularly all the time. Even after working out, you should have a healthy snack even if you’re not “starving” because your dinner was very healthy as well. And denying yourself eating after dinner definitely isn’t going with the ebbs and flows… that’s showing discipline and you seem happy about restricting, which is not a healthy message. Just my two cents, but I think you need to balance out your eating habits more and snack regularly to avoid these “overly hungry” days you discuss. You’re overly hungry after you’ve restricted, then you restrict again because you feel you’ve eaten too much. it definitely is a vicious cycle–trust me, it took months for me to finally learn how to break it and I’m so much happier as a result! Good luck with everything
I completely agree with this comment. I had the same experience.
I don’t know you personally, but I am also concerned with what I have been seeing on your blog for the past few months. You can’t write about your life in detail for strangers and expect them not to care, especially when you seem to be such a nice person. Plus, I automatically empathize with someone going through the vicious cycle of an ED because I was in the throes of one for more than 7 years, and still struggle with it, although thankfully I am 90% recovered these days. I’m your age.
I think that we, and anyone else who has had an ED, are heading down a dangerous path when we say that “oh I had an ED a few years ago but I’m done with recovery and it’s all good now.” Especially when for you that was only, what, a couple of years ago? I think that it’s important to acknowledge that if you’ve had an ED, unfortunately, recovery is nearly always a lifelong process. I’m sorry to say, but that will ALWAYS be a part of your life, whether you like it or not; particularly the side of your life (eating and food) that you want to share with us. And we can all see it. Even your responses here drive it home. You are uncomfortable with feeling very hungry? Why? A “normal” person would not be, they would simply eat until they no longer felt hungry, because that’s what hunger is telling you to do.
I also think that it is important not to give that side of your life too much thought and importance after recovery, not unless your focus is going to be how you eat and exercise as a recovering person. Even then it might be a bad idea, because it just perpetuates the mind’s obsession with food and exercise, at least that’s what it would do to me!
A thin, healthy person in their 20′s might feel less than great after eating a ton of holiday food, but it shouldn’t make them feel like they are “unhealthy” in general and that they need to “get back into shape”. You do not have heart disease or diabetes, eating that food over the holidays is not going to literally kill you. With my ED past, after indulging over the holidays, I felt a twinge of guilt, but I rationally reminded myself that Christmas foods are here but once a year, and a week of eating a lot of sweets was not going to make me “fat”, nothing close to it. And you know what? Feeling OK with the fact that I could and would let myself eat whatever I wanted lessened the control that food had over me. I overindulged, but I didn’t binge, and realizing that there is a difference between the two has been a huge accomplishment for me.
I’ve only been able to feel truly recovered after having allowed myself to gain about 20 lbs. Life didn’t end, people still liked me, I even met my current boyfriend. And I wasn’t obsessing over food and weight and food for most of my day anymore! Now I’m about 10 lbs below that weight, at a happy medium. And you know what? That weight is EASY to keep. You have mentioned before that your “happy” weight is some weight lower than what you’re at now, but it seems like you deprive yourself so much to be as you are now. Have you thought that maybe you ARE at your happy weight? Or that maybe that weight is 5 lbs more? You aren’t the one who decides what your “happy weight” is, after all, your body does.
I realize that this is YOUR blog, not MINE, so I will get off of my soapbox now. But please, Clare, as you are going through these changes in your life, maybe consider stepping away from the Internet, allowing yourself to truly “go with the flow” and do some introspection. I know that this is only one part of your life that you show here, but the part that you are showing is truly concerning. Take care of yourself.
This comment. So eloquent and so true. Clare, I hope you take this to heart. Lots of us are worried about you.
Clare, I know you are annoyed by a lot of these comments on your blog and are shrugging them off as haters who don’t know or understand you. It’s hard to hear people trying to make you happier when you THINK you are happy. But look at the fact that you have SO many people who read about your life concerned. I think the above comment is very eloquent and true as well.
Wow!! I honestly didn’t think twice about the amount you ate (also not really analyzing what/how much you ate b/c really isn’t my business). If you didn’t eat the first meal until noon, that really doesn’t seem that odd to me to only eat that much (I might do the same!). Also, fellow readers need to realize this is just a snapshot of your life, and not really the whole picture. Good luck with all of your grad school stuff! I’m applying right now too, and am excited to hear what you’re going to be doing!
You’re a really likable blogger and I wish you the best. It sounds like you had a wonderful holiday with family and friends and had fun! Don’t beat yourself up over it and don’t spend the next month restricting and trying to make up for it. You’re a beautiful girl and were just as beautiful at your highest weight.
Hey Clare,
I could not agree more with Samantha above. I’m not going to lie, I watched this unfold during my bored-at-work-GOMI-perusal, and I just thought I’d give my two cents since we’ve met in person, I think you’re great, and I know what it’s like to be the butt of controversial comments.
For a long time in my recovery, most notably the 2.5 years I was blogging, I was technically “okay:” at a healthy weight, exercising a lot but not dangerously, and very cautious about my diet but not to the point where I was starving myself. Others, both on the blog and in real life, expressed vague concern, but I always retorted that “I KNEW I WAS HEALTHY! MY BMI WAS OKAY! THIS WAS MY HAPPY WEIGHT!” and ignored their opinions. It made me mad that they thought they knew me, and part of that irritation came from the fact that deep down I knew they were right.
The thing is, writers and readers of the HLB community know what’s up. The majority of us have gone through periods of disordered eating, and we know the tricks and excuses of self-denial. Do I think you’re in danger of seriously hurting yourself ? Not really. Do I think you’re holding onto a few vestiges of ED without really knowing it, hiding them under the guise of healthy living? Truthfully, yes.
You’re right, only YOU know what’s best for your body. But in the past year and a half or so, I’ve personally learned how freaking amazing it is not to micromanage my body, and I think you would benefit from that, too. The worst thing that can happen from an excess of M&Ms and beer at our age is a handful of pounds and a hangover. And while I’ll freely admit that I like looking good just as much as the next girl, I’d rather have the extra 15 lbs I do now than constantly worry about how far I’m running and what I’m putting in my mouth.
I sincerely hope that this doesn’t offend you, because like I said, I think you’re a great girl. You deserve all the blessings in your life: P, your new career path and your family’s support. Lighten up. Mindlessly snack on Tostitos occasionally without feeling guilty. Dig into the M&Ms when you’re stressed, and don’t let that ADD to your stress! You are gorgeous and smart and while health is important, you don’t even have to attempt to perfect it
Honestly, I don’t know why everyone still cares. Yes, she still has issues and her blog is a big facade but the more we call her out, the deeper in denial she seems to get. I used to be a big fan of this blog, but the constant defence of “this was an off day for me!” or “I don’t post everything I ear!” got old fast. I’ve worked past my issues with food a long time ago, and I’d rather read the blog of someone who either acknowledges their existing issues or has moved past them. Get well, Clare.