Forgive me while I ramble for a bit…
What is it about the number 30? Every other year my birthday has been exciting, but suddenly I feel like I’m supposed to dread this one. I think turning 30 is an even bigger deal for me because I’m surrounded by younger classmates. And even though I attempt to combat it, I’ve definitely felt some of the society pressures leading up to my big 3-0.
On a practical level, I feel like turning 30 means my clock is ticking. I’d love to have a family some day, and the older you get the harder that becomes. Now, that being said, I come from a family of women that have had successful pregnancies in their 30s and even at 40 (my grandmother in 1955!) so I pray that I won’t have much trouble when the time comes. But still, with still being in school and likely having upcoming moves and busy residency years ahead, that questions about if and when just get bigger in my mind.
On a completely ridiculous level, I’ve had this stupid thought for the last few months that I should be in killer shape when I turn 30. Ummm..okay? Why? I dated a younger guy a few years ago that once told me, “You don’t seem older, you haven’t let yourself go or anything!” ((FACE SMACK. I was 27)) Then again I also went on a few days with a guy a long time ago that thought, and I quote, “Every girl should have a little bit of an eating disorder so they stay thin.” That didn’t go anywhere, clearly. I’m glad I have better taste now. Also, someone
punch educate that guy for me now since I didn’t do it then.
But back to the in shape thing. What’s that about? Do I feel like I need to prove something, and if so, to whom? I’m just fine with my body at 29 but once I hit 30 I’m supposed to look different? Obviously I can answer these question myself, and the answer is a big whopping NO. While I definitely want to make strides at being healthier (gut health, hormone health, less inflammation and stress in my body) those thing have zero to do with my size or what I look like. I love to exercise and feel strong, and now more than ever I focus on the cardiovascular, bone health, and metabolic benefits. So I’ll keep it that way and be happy with my body the way it is thankyouverymuch.
When I really think about it, I am so freaking excited for my 30s. My twenties were rough, y’all. This blog documented much of it, for better or for worse. I think the twenties decade can be insanely challenging. You have to figure out how to be an adult, who you are and who you want to be, and have so many more stressors in the real world. There are bills, bosses, dwindling friendships, relationships or lack thereof. For me there was eating disorder recovery, gaining weight to get my period back, changing careers, crushing heartbreak, and a massive lack of self-confidence to top it off. Only recently have I felt like I’m in a good, solid place. I am becoming more sure of who I am and what I want in life. I’m standing up for what I need and caring way less what other people think. It’s wonderful!
So I’m choosing to be excited about my thirties and all it has to offer me. I’m a year and a half away from my dream of becoming a doctor, I have the most amazing and supportive boyfriend in the entire world, a killer group of friends, family nearby, and plenty of passion projects that keep me more than busy. Big things are going to happen in this decade. Why would I dread that?
I’m ready for ya, 30!*
*In 13 days